


For Richer, For Poorer

by jazzypizzaz



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Banter, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Marriage Proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-21
Updated: 2018-03-21
Packaged: 2019-04-05 08:56:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14040678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jazzypizzaz/pseuds/jazzypizzaz
Summary: Quark keeps proposing and Odo keeps turning him down.  Quark wants to take advantage of the 111st Rule (exploitation begins at home!); Odo wants a sincere gesture.  Or maybe it's the other way around?





	For Richer, For Poorer

**Author's Note:**

> [from this post](http://jazzypizzaz.tumblr.com/post/160215428820/quodo-proposals-romcom-style)

“Odo,” Quark says to the wary-looking man sitting across from him.  

 

He takes a deep breath, then straightens up in his seat, smoothing his jacket.  With the wave of his hand a Bajoran tivara band begin playing a new tune, while Morn conducts.  Jake, Ezri, and Nog stand up to sing the lyrics, clearly rehearsed. The song is _Ode to Jeraddo_ , a song which Odo mentioned that he enjoyed, once, in passing, five years ago.  (A mistake he has not made since within earshot of Quark.)

 

Odo sighs with exaggeration and folds his arms over his chest.  “Not this again.”

 

Quark snaps his fingers and Nog leads out a parade of Ferengi waiters and dabo girls in file from behind the bar to circle around where Quark and Odo sit at a nearby table.

 

Quark takes his eyes off Odo to glare at one of the waiters.  “Would it kill you to smile, Broik? If not for me, then for the far-too-generous tip I’m giving you for this.  Show some teeth!”

 

Broik straightens up and grimaces into a wide forced grin to match the other waiters.

 

The waiters all pull out Bolian Flashing Bubblers -- a type of sparkler that also shoots out bubbles.

 

Nearby customers clap and crowd around to rubberneck at the coming spectacle.  Kira stands outside the crowd, smiling.

 

Odo winks at her, then groans for Quark's sake.

 

Quark pushes aside his chair and flips his coattails out from under him.  He bends one knee towards the ground. “Odo, will you --”

 

“For the thousandth time, Quark, the answer is --”

 

“Please?”

 

“Not if it means asking me to sign that ridiculously convoluted contract --”

 

“I’m open to negotiations!  And I edited it since you last saw --”

 

“Not even if I hire ten Vulcan lawyers to comb through your tangled fine print.  Not if --”

 

“The marriage contract is traditional!”  

 

“Not if you’re going to use our union to skirt some legal loophole down the line, or --”

 

“Ferengi customs get no respect around here.”  Quark pouts.

 

“Or if this is a plan to get me tied up in some scheme that I _will_ thwart --

 

“At least let me _ask_!” Quark huffs.

 

“Fine, then.  Get on with it and ask.”

 

“Alright.”  Quark pouts.  He opens his mouth to begin again, but all that comes out is a stammering, “Okay, well, uhh, so what I was asking was, uh well--”  He scowls.

 

“Quark…” Odo warns. He stands up and drums his fingers on the table.

 

“Right where was I?  Of course. Like I was saying --”

 

“Like you were trying to say, and failing, more like,” Odo snickers.

 

“Do you want me to get this over with or not?”

 

“Not.”

 

Quark rolls his eyes.  “LIKE I was saying,” he begins again, overly loud, “it’s been six years since you returned from the Link, because you couldn’t stand being away from the love of your life--”

 

“Because I couldn’t stand thinking about all the havoc you would wreak without me there to stop you,” Odo corrects.

 

“Because you’re an insufferable uptight jackass who insists on always getting the last word.”  

 

“Hmph.  You’re one to talk.”  Odo smirks at Kira, as if to say, _can you believe this drivel?!_ She smiles and shakes her head at him.

 

“Well this time I want that last word to be yes.  To my question.”

 

“And, Quark?”  Odo peers down at the sweaty little man prostrated on his knees in front of him and the whole bar.  “What’s your question?”

 

Quark looks at the crowd around them: Jake giving him a thumbs-up, Nog handing a teary Rom a handkerchief, Ezri and Bashir beaming goofy grins, Kira already looking impatient, and the rest of the evening crowd all similarly watching and waiting.   Quark slumps a bit, suddenly aware of how humiliating this will be.

 

He waves his hand in a vague gesture.  “You know.”

 

“Say it.  Ask me.” Odo smiles smugly.  “Unless you’re backing down now.”

 

“Is it suddenly hot in here, or --”  Quark mops his forehead.

 

Odo harrumphs and turns to leave, but Quark shoots out a hand to grasp onto his “sleeve.”

 

“MarrymeOdopleasemarrymeplease,” Quark says all in a jumble.  He takes a deep breath and forces a strained grin.

 

“And?” Odo says, raising his brow.

 

“And?”  Quark stares at him blankly.  

 

“You’re sloppier at this than your usual proposal.”

 

“Oh!  Right.”  Quark searches the crowd and Nog darts out to hand him a padd.  “And, since you insist you won’t wear jewelry -- or, _anything_ \-- you can pick out some latinum-studded engagement cufflinks _for me_ from this brochure.”

 

Quark thrusts the padd up at Odo.  Odo glances down, but doesn’t take it.

 

“That’s, uh, that’s okay, you don’t have to choose one now,” Quark says.  “But if it helps I circled my favorites.”

 

“The most expensive ones.”

 

“Not all of them.”

 

They stare at each other for a few more moments.  The bar holds its breath.

 

“No,” Odo says.

 

“But --” Quark’s lips quivers dangerously.

 

“ _No_ ,” Odo says, firmer.  “I’m not going to buy you one of those.”

 

The crowd around them starts talking all at once:

 

“Do you think Quark will still give me that interview on the Bolian black market?” Jake asks Nog.

 

“We _did_ spend hours rehearsing that song,”  Nog grumbles.

 

“It’s been _six years_ ,” Leeta says to Rom, who is bawling too hard to answer.  “And twenty proposals, that I’ve witnessed anyway.”

 

Morn shrugs and heads to his barstool.

 

Ezri looks nauseous.  “I don’t think I can handle another counseling session with either of them.”

 

“Have a heart, Odo!”  Bashir says. “So to speak.”

 

Quark, in a state of shock, has slumped from his knees onto his butt, so that he’s sitting on the ground.  Several waiters try to hand him drinks or a hand up, but Quark grumbles under his breath and bats away.

 

Kira says nothing.  She searches for eye contact with Odo.

 

Across the room, she gives him a meaningful look.

 

Odo nods to her.

 

She elbows her way through the dispersing crowd to get to him.  She pats his elbow affectionately, then whispers something in his ear.  He nods again.

 

Quark notices this, glancing rapidly between the two of them.  He narrows his eyes. He braces himself on the chair and gets to his feet, then loudly clears his throat.  “ _Excuse_ me --”

 

Kira winces.  Odo gives Quark a withering look.  Then, from her uniform pocket, Kira hands Odo a padd and a small box.  Odo smiles at her and takes it.

 

Quark watches this, distraught.  He shouts, the panic rising in his voice, “Just because you don’t want to be with me, there’s no need to rub it in by getting back together with your ex.  And here I thought after all these years, after all I’ve done for you, both of you --”

 

Odo chuckles.  He hands Quark the padd, disrupting his rant.  “Sign this.”

 

Quark sputters.  “What is it? An arrest warrant?  You know me better than to think --”

 

“Read it Quark.”

 

Quark glances down, and his eyes widen at the bold heading.

 

“I took the liberty of drawing up a marriage contract of my own,” Odo says.  He nods to Rom. “I consulted with the Nagus to make sure it’s according to custom, minus the usual convoluted fine print and exploitative clauses of course, but if you want to take a couple days to look it over --”

 

Quark stares at the padd for a moment, then up at Odo, then back down at the padd.  

 

Quark takes a deep breath, then scrolls to the end of the document without reading.  He signs the contract with his thumbprint before he can think better of it.  

 

“There,” he says, handing it back to Odo.  “Done.”

 

Odo blinks a couple times, clearly taken aback.  

 

“Didn’t think I’d call your bluff did you?” Quark smirks, looking none too sure of his decision but determined to stand by it.  "You've got no excuse now, you'll have to marry me!"

 

Odo takes the padd, double-checking that it’s signed.  “You don’t even know what it says.”

 

“It said 'marriage contract.'”

 

“What if it says you’ll signed over all your assets to me for full control?”  Odo says. “What if it says I own the bar now? What if it says you’re to be confined to a holding cell for the rest of your life --”

 

“Well does it?”  Quark’s smirk vanishes at once.  Dawning horror crosses his face and he tries to grab the padd back.  “It is a marriage contract right? We’re gonna be married?”

 

“It’s what he says it is, Quark!  You’re getting maaaaaried,” Rom chimes in.  “I read it, and Nog read it, and Kira --”

 

Quark glares at his brother, and Rom immediately shuts up.  Quark looks back to Odo.

 

Odo nods.

 

Quark smiles, ecstatic, then his face drops back into skepticism. “Wait, but you said no, first.  Why did you say no?”

 

“Quark, what I said was, I’m not going to buy you the cufflinks in your catalogue.”  Odo opens the box and shows the contents to Quark.

 

Quark gasps and grabs at it, but Odo holds them back.  “Oohhh… Are those..?”

 

“Embedded with Denevan crystals.  Yes.”

 

“Okay.  Okay then.”  Quark looks pensive for a moment, then draws his arms wide in a grand gesture.  “Steal my bar, confiscate my savings, _ruin_ me.  Whatever.  I’m done. I’m yours, Odo, all yours, to have and to hold for the rest of our natural lives.”

 

“Good,” Odo manages to croak out.  As a Changeling, he’s not crying, but he certainly looks overcome with some kind of emotion.  “After all, someone has to have an eye on you at all times. Someone has to hold you back from all your schemes.”

 

“I'd like to see you try.”

 

They launch themselves at each other and kiss and kiss.

 

Everyone in the bar claps, someone (Bashir) wolf whistles.  Quark and Odo keep kissing. Eventually people realize they're not going to stop, and frankly it's getting a bit gross.  As Odo props Quark on the counter, peeling off his jacket, the clapping dies out. Several ignored attempts to disrupt the increasingly hot and heavy make out later, the customers all leave in a hurry.  

 

Once it's empty, Morn shuts the door to the bar.

 

The two fiancees join in an unholy knot on the bar counter, happy together.

 

\---

 

**Epilogue**

 

“Odo… did you put a tracking device in those cufflinks?”

 

“I did promise to always keep an eye on you…”


End file.
